Are You A Late Merger Or Early Merger?

Did you all have a good thanksgiving? Good. Oh you want to hear about my thanksgiving? Good.

Let's hear about mine.

First of all, let me just say that I love driving. Doesn't matter if it's a go-cart, sports car or minivan. It doesn't even need to have four wheels (but must be designed to not have four wheels). This is the one glaring personality trait that keeps me from achieving official honorary sierra club tree hugger status. Well, that is until I can afford a Teslar roadster.

Anyway, I spent my thanksgiving near D.C., which means I had to drive in pretty respectable holiday traffic. But this year, the pretty respectable became down right retarded.

The retardedness contains multiple facets. Allow me to explain. There's the senseless accident/let's slow down and render aid with our eyes facet (8 encountered). Then there's the slow car in the passing lane syndrome. Many times, it's both lanes (may anubis have mercy on their slow asses). But this year, the traffic gods, along with the NC and VA DMVs, decided to add something new - entire northbound side of highway closed for one too many mile fiaso.

Sprinkle a little cheap gas and everbody and their mother came out for a drive (literally, probably), and you have a perfect storm of traffic hell.

So, on black friday afternoon, while I was browsing through the super-gigantic shopping center's barnes & nobles, a book in the new release section caught my eye. It was about how traffic patterns are really defined by each driver's personality. Since the female members of the family were just getting started with their patriotic shopping duty, I picked up a copy and started reading. The book was actually fairly interesting. The author opened with the hypothesis that traffic jams are results of the limited forms of communication between drivers. Namely, honking and the finger. The book then started to BS about how we take it personally when someone comes into our lane, even if we're not cut off. Chapter one ended discussing the significance of being an early or late merger, when confronted with a traffic situation.

Interesting stuff, I remember saying to myself. Maybe I'll look for a copy when I get back.

But I had to get back first, and oh my buddha it was a trip. Started out with some light rain. No problem, just a little car wash, I can handle that. But when I saw the traffic backed up on the on ramp to I-95 south... "Crap", I said.

One hour later, I've covered maybe 25 kilometers. But then it speeds up a bit, giving me enough wiggle room to bust out of the pack. The culprit? Two SUVs post fender bender were by the side of the road. The popo had his crown vic's popo lights flashing, and that was it. Nothing actually blocking traffic, per se. I became even more pissed.

But all clear, right?

Nah. Repeat this three more times. And hurray! I've just made it past Richmond.

But the true dilemma was when the "EXPECT EXTREMELY LONG DELAYS" signs popped up, and traffic started to jam like a busted toilet. Should I follow the authority and be an early merger? It's the polite thing to do, after all.

Seven+ hours later, I was home. From a trip that should have taken less than half the time if I could set my cruise control to 83.

Oh and... I was a late merger.

You?