Yep, I Am A Moron.

So I got this email ad from HP. It's about their new laptop that lasts 24 hours. Pretty cool, no doubt, but I was a bit disturbed with the ad itself. It said in big cool letters, "Dude, your dad died 5 hours ago!" followed by "HP breaks the 24-hour battery barrier."

Or so I thought.

Now, a normal non-moronic person probably will do a double-take to make sure, but this is me we're talking about. My lightning-fast mind immediately connected the logical dots:

1. death of dad is traumatic
2. missing it by 5 hours is fucking messed up
3. summary - I should buy this HP 24-hour laptop NOW to avoid this tragedy

I was this close to writing HP about their insensitive ad campaign, especially with what I went through with my grandpa and what my sister's dealing with right now. Fortunately, I took one more look at that email, and I started laughing uncontrollably, peeing all over myself and all.

The ad really said "Dude, your Dell died 5 hours ago!". You know, because Dell had just announced a 19-hour laptop.

I hope you're laughing with me...

Folks, Stop Downloading So Much Porn!

Alright... guys & gals, giants and midgets (oh sorry - monsters and little people), barely alive to barely legal - of my local high speed internet service area...

PUT. THE. PORN. DOWN.

Apparently there's so much internet traffic in my area, the coyote finally caught my "high-speed" roadrunner. Yep, he tore that roadrunner limb-from-limb before eating him, feathers and all. We're talking close to dial-up speed on a 7mb connection. That just ain't right.

Folks, at the very least try to download your porn at non-peak hours, mmmkay? That way I can actually check emails, scour Craigslist for deals on guitar amps and catch cool youtube clips when I get home.

Your consideration is greatly appreciated :)

Joe Six-Pack No More

There was one good news from last night's final presidential debate.

Joe Six-Pack found him a nice whatyoumacallit, job! He's a plumber now! Good for him. He must have done his research - plumbers get to drill all the desperate housewives they could handle. Can we say, drill baby drill? Especially with that six-pack - the ladies simply won't have no chance to resist.

When I saw how McCain was emotioning with his face, I thought oh no, now the all-powerful pundits are gonna tear him up like sharks having sunday brunch at Captain D's. I dunno... I don't think showing your true emotions is necessarily bad. Well, I suppose it is if that other guy is sitting within kissing distance, and your face is bouncing through satellites and TVs everywhere. D'oh!

But then again, Obama wasn't so hot when he dodged the question about what he would cut given how fucked up the financial universe has been. I am guessing the correct answer was all-of-the-above, but that would've been unacceptable. For now. Give 'em another week, when he has triple digit lead, and he can say whatever the hell he wants as long as he says it in his perfect voice (according to that body language show on History Channel).

What do YOU think about all this?

Personally, I am just happy we got "cheap" gas again...

Concrete Shoes, Cyanide, TNT...

So, I was on a little hiatus from this blog thing. Brooding time, if you will - not unlike batman. Well you know, except for the gazillionaire status and a batmobile that doesn't leak heavily concentrated atmospheric moisture.

I guess a lot of shit went down since my last blog post. Couple of presidential debates, Knight Rider coming back in a friggin' Mustang (fine, shelby, whatevah), New York City crashing and burning (don't worry, NBA season opens soon, and them knicks will surely pick your collective new yorker spirit right up), oh and somewhere another polar bear is drowning. Probably because he lost his pension when lehman brothers screwed the pooch.

But we need to give credit where it's due - to the veepee debate committee, for their daring decision to divide up the only VP debate into segments and host them as SNL opening sketches. Now that's leadership!

You know I gotta put in the obligatory political rant sometimes before this whole election thing blows over. Hell, I even bothered to registered my neutral ass to vote! I gotta voice my neutrality somewhere. So, the way I look at it, we can choose CHANGE, especially based on the past two years of the inactive Demo (Emo?) Congress, or apparently OLD grumpy man with a surprisingly hot wife. You know it's true.

I suppose I am one of those highly sought-after creatures called undecided indie voters. Not fake indie like Apple & iTunes, but real indie like linux & opera browser. Okay, also XP Pro at times for when I want to blow the shit out of some Nazis/monsters/people who enforce speed limits. Actually, now that I think about it, maybe XP Pro most of the time...? Anyway, after catching the second half of the second presidential debate, I honestly think I am gonna vote for whoever has the hotter wife. Right now, I think the blonde's winning, although I tend to prefer redheads and brunettes. Oh well, time will tell.

There, my journey to the dark side is complete. I believe I've mildly insulted just about every facet of us. If you feel I left you out by accident, please leave a note below and I'll gladly call you names only you deserve.

Or not. I could care less.

Or is it couldn't?

Ahh screw it, time for bed...